DARREN MATIAS | Musician

Hi! This is Darren. I can’t believe I am writing again. I am not a writer but I have this need to say something about my beautiful memories at Holy Spirit before they slip away from me. I am writing this blog entry today because something of significance has happened to my career – a significant moment where I am walking away from something that makes me happy and fulfilled. But, in the end of the day, doing what I had to do was the most responsible thing I had to do.

I recently resigned as Director of Music and Liturgy at Holy Spirit Catholic Church in Lantana, Florida. I am begrudgingly leaving a job that brings me so much happiness and fulfillness. On my last day of work, I found out that my job was beyond “just a job.” I was stunned at the emotional goodbyes and the farewells I received were painful to hear. It seemed as if I was witnessing my own funeral.

It reminded me of a time when I got a phone call from my mom that my my dad passed away. I was in shock and was not sure what to do. The church prayer warriors and staff prayed with me that noon time. Dark clouds with threat of heavy rains loom over the sanctuary of the church as if nature was feeling my pain. The church barely had any sunlight peaking through glass windows and ceiling. We prayed in the dark and as the words “May Andrew Rest In Peace” were uttered, it dawned at me that I have a new reality – a reality without my father. I have always been good at stirring away from painful emotions but, this time, those heavy feelings are to be confronted. As I continue to observe the faces of those who are praying with me, it also dawned at me that losing a parent is not exclusive to me.

Though my father lived thousands of miles from me, Father Eli made me feel as if he knows my dad personally. He was quick and decisive with organizing a Memorial Mass. There were some uncertainties about the pandemic since it’s in a all-time high at that time but Father Eli was certain that we have to do this funeral. It was one of our first parish funerals since the beginning of pandemic. Our priests, deacons, choir, friends, and the congregation were there while my extended family and friends overseas tuned in to our livestream. I felt too privileged to be loved and be supported this way. I did not feel alone. I was given a sacred space to grieve and, though we are socially distant and our faces are behind our masks, I felt all the great compassion and care one can ask for.

The heartwarming sermon of Father Glen, who was concelebrating the Mass with Father Eli, helped commence my healing process. (Here is a copy of his sermon: Darren’s Father Andrew Funeral Homily.) I remember planning on holding back my tears and emotions at that time. However, Father Glen’s words gave me permission be in tune to what I truly feel at that time. The Mass felt as if my entire catholic training is meant for this moment. Every word, music, gesture, and prayer was meaningful for me. As soon as I see the Host and Chalice raised up, I am overwhelmed by the power of my faith. Something is being fixed from within me. I struggle with the logic of my religiosity but logic was not something I heavily relied on. In fact, basic logic helped me survive in this world but it was my instinct and intuition that guided my life’s choices. The great poetry of life that is found within Jesus is what sustained me. It’s as if my dad was trying to tell me that he is truly at peace and that someday I will know what I do not know.

I was angry at God but the big question for me was, “do I really have faith?” For if one have faith, one should expect that God can do wonders that our limited human mind will never understand. The mind of our Lord should never be questioned for He does not operate like us. Thus, my dad’s soul is truly in God’s hands. I found comfort in this. Having our great priests, deacons, the choir, my friends, and the congregation brought me some peace. I knew that the Holy Spirit Community is forever in my heart.

Fast forward to a few weeks, I noticed that participation in our music ministry is growing. Very faithful, passionate, and reverent people are coming to church. People signed up to participate at ministries. I even noticed that our congregations are now singing. A parishioner expressed her amazement that our Catholic community now sings at par with the Protestants next door. Slowly but surely, the children and adult choirs were growing and friendships are flourishing.

The 4pm Group, whose members were Yasa, Joan, Lisa S, Lisa S-R, Linda, Andrea, Laura, Bert and Ryan, is such a close-knit community. They are very musical and they know how to help each other. They are sensitive to each other’s musical feel and are always willing and ready to adjust to last minute changes when needed.

The 7:30am Group, whose members are Nicolas, Leonita, Susan, Dr. Clarke, and Eddie, knows that it is too early to sing at church but they have inspire the congregation to sing anyway! Besides their talent, this is a group people who is comprised of natural-born leaders.

The 9:00am Group is a passionate and faith centered group who are taking time to study and contemplate on the music. The members are the Nicolas, Lazara, Wayne, Adam, Priscilla, Stephanie, and Dr. Clarke. They are passionate about the Lord and always knows instinctively what to say when the choir reflects on life and matters of our faith.

The 10:30am Group, whose members are Yasa, Christina, Jay, Daisy, Wilhelmina, and Karen, has such a diverse range of talent and creativity but they come together with one voice. Everyone has their strong abilities. When I ask them to do solos, they shine brightly and they put the standard of music making to a higher level.

The 12pm Group is comprised of children, teenagers, and some adults. The members are Yasa, Christina, Lindsey, Miryam, Stacy, Sophia, Amelia, Bernadette, Patrice, Jazmin, Melissa, Isabel, Tessa, Lilly, and Marie. They help me remember that faith can be fun and joyful. They all remember their responsibilities and adjust to last minute assignments.

The 2pm Group is also filled with children and adults from various communities. The members are Nicolas, Yasa, Dr. Clarke, Marie, Hernan, Jessica, Anabella, Vanessa, Isabel, Tessa, Diego, Andres, Matias, Esmeralda, Christian, Brandon, Trey, and Annalisa. It is a group of faith-filled and reverent individuals who study the challenging literature of Gregorian Chant. They are willing to be stretched spiritually and artistically.

The Vietnamese Community has a large music ministry who sings with love, passion, and fervor. They are my inspiration to why ministries come to together and why it matters. Our lives are full of life because of our friendship with the Vietnamese community.

The media ministry is comprised of creative and passionate individuals who creates the slides and have the challenging responsibility of making sure the entire congregation is in the same page as the liturgy. The members are Karen, Eddie, Christina, Manny, and Dr. Clarke. Some times our children, Lily, Isabel, and Theresa helps us. As a team, they come together with a sensitive eye to art and deep understanding of the readings.

My piano students are Noah, Eddie, Faye, Matthew, Nathaniel, Olivia, and my honorary students Christina and Diego. Teaching them piano, organ, and the process of music is one of the greatest joys of my life. Imparting the privileged knowledge from my mentors is one of my utmost pleasures in life.

The Dream Team is a partner to the music ministry. The beautiful individuals are Denise, Marie, Dan, Dorene, Ann, Susan, Linda M, Mike, Missoule, Lily, Katie, Nancy, and Karen. They are comprised of individuals with great instinct and understanding to the church’s needs. They are my inspiration on how one should lead with grace, clarity, and understanding.

The theater ministry of our church is under Brenda Feliciano is not yet an official ministry. However, they have a big presence at church specially during Good Friday. This group of talented people, whose names I could not remember at this time, are some of the most talented people I know. They have moved me to tears and they donate their time and money in making this challenging project happen for us.

The Staff of our church – Leonita, Patrice, Gail, Carmen, Jessica, and David have been my light and my rock specially when times were tough. They kept me grounded and inspired me to flourish no matter what. This is probably one of the great church teams I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with.

The clergy team who assists our priest are of our Deacon Steve, Deacon Mike, and Sister Therese. I have learned so much from their spiritual journey. I’m in love with their attitude towards service. They are an inspiration to what it takes to truly serve the church. They have been my spiritual light. Their conviction in God helps me find my own conviction too.

Our priests are Fr. Eli, Fr. Gabriel, Fr. Paul, Fr. Glen, Fr. John, and Fr. Joe. My gosh, I’m lost for words having to leave such great spiritual teachers. It is the greatest honor of my life to serve along side such holy men of God. The life they lead is truly a path to sainthood and I am eternally grateful for their love and friendship.

The Cantors of our church are Nicolas, Yasa, and Christina. I will not be here without them. Their great talents have elevated our liturgical standards to something that is excellent yet mystical. During my significant challenges in life, they are a source of wisdom, beauty and strength.

So why did I leave? Why didn’t I stay? Why am I walking away from such a wonderful ministry?

This is a long and complicated answer involving my family, immigration, and finances. I now understood that God simply answered my prayers. It would be foolish for me not to follow Him. It was emotional to leave but the farewells I received were locket of jeweled words that I know wear around my heart. This was the most extraordinary opportunity of my life. Thank you Holy Spirit family.

To Andrew Matias, Nancy Presti, David Althouse, Sonia Zaide, Marie Joseph Andre Bastien, and to all our love ones who passed away whom I failed to mention here, please intercede for us and ask the Lord to guide us in our earthly journey. Deo Gratias!